it's mid november...and i am going to sicily in the spring!

hey all. so on the 4th of this month i went on a field trip with the illustration department to the society of illustrator's show in NYC. it was of children's book art, so it was right up my alley. there were so many different techniques and styles used, from digital collage to pen and ink with digital color to ripped paper collage to hyper-realistic pieces (one of which was from our teacher Bill Thomson for his children's book "Chalk"). Seeing all the different techniques up close is really interesting...no two artists' pieces were done in the EXACT same style. that's one thing i've come to learn and love about illustrating. we as illustrators look at the world and paint it through our OWN eyes, not the eyes of everyone else. basically, we have our own ways of perceiving things. my style is falling between realistic and cartoony, and i'm pretty happy with that because a lot of that cartoony-ness comes from my drawings when i was younger. i never really drew what i saw, i just drew what came out of my head: ladies with extravagant dresses, cross-sections of houses and buildings with lots of teeny tiny details, and my own takes on storybook characters. i have books and notebooks full of drawings from when i was little. i used to always take a notebook and pen with me when i was younger....drawing was my entertainment without anyone having to force me to do it.

well that was quite a ramble. after we went to the society of illustrators show we got back on the bus and went to the new britain museum of art, where they were having an m.c. escher show. i was blown away...seeing his stuff in person was incredible. some of my favorites were woodcuts from 1931 for a book called "The Terrible Adventures of Scholastica," which were about a witch named Scholastica. i really love the way woodcuts and scratchboard look, just the black and white. i really hope i can take relief printing next year. i'm pretty sure i will be able to fit it into my schedule since i have signed up for four studios next semester. dun dun dunnn...which i haven't done before. a lot of my friends have taken four studios and survived, so i think i will be ok. i have to take acrylic and oil illustration, which are required. then i am taking two special topics painting classes. one of which is called "art in healthcare," which is like an art therapy class. SO excited. then my second is SICILY PAINTING!!!! i am ecstatic!!! i applied a couple weeks ago and got accepted this week! i think this course consists of studying different sketching/art techniques all semester, as well as learning about the Sicilian culture. then we actually GO to Sicily over spring break! what a good opportunity...i personally don't really love the idea of going abroad for an ENTIRE semester, because as an illustrator i don't really want to miss the classes i need to take to graduate. but this opportunity of only going for a week is amazing! we will be painting and sketching the whole time, and there will be a show of our art in the fall! i hear there are only about 8-11 people going, which is cool. i only know a couple people actually going....no one has really said anything about the definites yet. oh well, guess i'll just wait and see who is in my class in the spring. :)

everyone's already talking christmas. oh boy...

thought of the day

to me, life is more about doing what you love rather than what you can’t stand.

salem and my birthday two weeks ago

i know i have not written since august, but hey, i figured i was really bored and have pretty much no homework today. i have a one-page art history paper due thursday, but oh well. perhaps i will just watch "it might get loud" later...such a good documentary. it's with jimmy page from led zeppelin, the edge from u2, and my favorite, jack white of the white stripes/raconteurs/the dead weather. i watched it for the first time this summer with jon, and he later bought it for me. so good.

well i am officially 21. it's odd. that's all i will have to say. my family got me luggage for my birthday, and i'm actually pretty happy to have my own set. on one of our family pieces of luggage, the extendable arm to pull the suitcase on wheels won't open, so it's pretty annoying. my luggage is a pretty deep maroon color. i can't wait to use it when i go to bermuda with the browns this coming summer. i am considering on applying to several internships again for next summer, a couple of which are in missouri. eek. i am very set on going on this cruise to bermuda, though. i keep thinking to myself that this is going to be my last official summer vacation (unless i end up teaching for some reason), and i want to still enjoy my life while i'm young. i think life is more about having fun and doing what you want/love while you're still young instead of wishing you could go back and do those sorts of things when you're older and sucked into your job. i have no idea what my job situation will be....part of me feels i have the potential to really push to get an artistic job, but another part of me keeps reminding me that lots and lots of people who graduate with a college degree do NOT get a job in their desired field...i hope going to art school was not a waste. i remember several times over the past few years at college when i reconsidered my major and wondered if i should leave the art school. i'm glad i've stayed, because it's like damn, i have been doing art since i was in my high chair. it would be an absolute waste for me to stop doing something that i've been doing my whole life. it brings me too much joy.

it's funny, but a random tidbit i learned from my art history class: rembrandt absolutely loved his own art, but at the time, people HATED it. he was almost always broke, but he kept doing what he loved. his last self-portrait of himself depicts him as an old man, laughing. i love it.

yesterday my suitemates and i went to salem. it was fairly spooky....the last time i went i was about 12 i believe, and it was with Girl Scouts. it only cost us $10 per person to go yesterday...such a good deal. we went to the salem witch museum, then shopped along the streets. it was really cold and windy, but still interesting and fun. we decided to go to this attraction called "the witches cottage." it was a "4-D" experience, with people on stage in this tiny little theater scaring the crap out of you. it was fun for me cause i love getting scared for some odd reason. then we went across the street and did the witch dungeon museum. it was a really good re-enactment of the trial of elizabeth proctor. the tour led us down into a recreation of the dungeon used to keep the accused victims of the witch trials in 1692. the original dungeon was dismanteled in the 1950's. they had one of the original wooden beams from the dungeon in the museem, and the woman who ran the tour said if you touched it, it would bring you good luck. we touched it and i was really spooked hahaha. i learned that if you were put into a dungeon during that time, you had to PAY to be in jail, and pay for a decent sized cell. you had to pay for food and even a bed. ridiculous. they told us one of the types of cells they used was called a "coffin cell", in which a person was chained to the wall and the cell was built directly around and up against them. people would stay inside those cells for months. that is awful.

it's amazing to me how big of a mistake the whole witch trails were. people realized once they were over, they had made a huge mistake for killing those 20 or so people. i also learned that during the 1600's and aroud then, women were barely permitted to do anything outside of the house. the girls going to meet tituba in the woods to play games and do magic tricks was all in good fun. i can see how they'd get wrapped up in it since they had nothing better to do for fun back in the day. i can picture how it got so blown out of proportion because they probably fed off each others' excitement and fear. anything not in the bible was considered devil's work during that time.

the last thing i learned is about the public's perception of witches. witches are really people who practice the wicca religion, where there is a god and a goddess and their practices honor the changing of the seasons and relationship to the earth. the term "warlock" is never used, for it means "traitor." the reason why witches are popularyly portrayed as evil is because of instances like the salem witch trials, where "witches" were considered followers of the devil. because their practices were not in the bible, people referred to them as ugly, child-eating, green-faced ladies on broomsticks. so bizarre but really interesting.

overall when it comes to salem, i feel like if you go once, it's enough. i feel like the only time really worth going again (if i ever do) is actually on halloween. that must be so awesome. i saw a few signs for events they are having there over the next couple weekends. one is a "grimm fairtyale" party, where you have to dress as a grimm fairytale character....so awesome. another was a "vampire's ball" where you have to dress glamourous and gothic. that seems so cool and intriguing.

i am in love with the halloween season, and autumn. but come and go halloween, it is such a debbie downer afterwards. celebrating halloween at college isn't really my favorite...nothing beats trick or treating as a kid. i have no idea what i am going to be for halloween, nor what i am doing. hopefully i will figure that out soon!

maine and wisdom teeth.

so i just got back from ogunquit on saturday, and yesterday i got my wisdom teeth out. yesterday all i did was puke after i ate, probably from my pain medication. now all i am on is my antibiotic pills. i'm a bit more swollen today than yesterday...

yesterday jon came over after work and brought a movie (date night), my meds, some ginger ale, and a stuffed puppy that i named mr. chiquita. it made me feel a lot better!!! after we watched the movie last night, jon wanted to tuck me in...he read me a bedtime story too oh my gosh it was adorable and made me feel so comfortable. if it weren't for him and my mom taking care of me, i would probably feel a lot worse. i am CRAVING solid food. all i have been eating is pudding, applesauce, mashed potatoes, and soup. ugh. i hope i will be "normal" again by friday, cause jen wants to go get a chinese massage with me! my week is going by so quick...before i know it i go back to school sunday! thursday/friday i believe i am going back to school shopping with jon, saturday i am helping him move into his apartment, and sunday i am moving in! ahh! i think i am going to the cape with jon and his family labor day weekend, so that gives me some peace of mind that i will fit in one more vacation before the summer officially ends.

anyway, i have been watching tv most of the day, sitting up so i dont get too dizzy...

about college. and fitting in...

i was just thinking about college lately, and how my experience so far is pretty much nothing that i ever expected college to be like. MAYBE it's because i go to an art school, but i am not sure. the people, the dorm life, and the over atmosphere of my school feel somewhat "non-traditional" to me. i think it's because when i visit normal colleges, like when i used to visit my sister at Babson and when i visited UMass with Jon and his mom, they felt so awesome, like what college SHOULD feel like to me. it's so odd.

my college, geez i'm just so sick of it in a sense. college pretty much killed my love for drama. i still want to act this year, but the people just kill it for me. if you're gonna sit around for an hour long rehearsal cracking sexual jokes, okay, i don't want to be a part of it..i have artwork to do. if it's gonna be like that this year i just may officially call it quits from acting for fun. drama people can be either wicked fun or really cocky. luckily for me in high school i had a really great time with the people i got to act with. i think it's more like a minority thing in college. the older students are obviously the ones who run the whole deal. maybe this year will be different...?

another thing i dislike about college, it's just the entire experience....i will probably leave college with little to absolutely no baggage. the only people i have really met and become friends with were the people i lived with and their friends, as well as other art kids with similar personalities to mine. i never bothered hanging out with people from my normal university classes. people from my art school classes, yes, but otherwise, it's just too awkward for me. i am not like other people in the art school. i do not party hard or take massive amounts of drugs. i will never belong or fit into a clique in college. i am there to just work and get my degree and get out of there. for me, it isn't 100% entirely about making friends. yes, i absolutely adore the girls i am living with next year, but they will probably be some of the only TRUE friends i leave college with. college just isn't really my "thing." i'm just so fed up trying my best to be nice to everyone in the art school and half the people are these arrogant indie-holes who want nothing to do with you anyway.

i hate for this to sound like the typical whiny note like "ahhh i just don't fit in," but for me, "fitting in" has always been pretty difficult since i have so many different sides to my personality.

there are many different allie's: the allie who wants to go out in her skinny jeans, heels and a black blazer and french braid for cocktails / the allie who is a hippie and wants to wear a cozy dress and run in a field barefoot / the allie who wants to dress up and go to renaissance faires because she is a history nerd / the allie who wants to go to a show and get pushed around in a mosh pit and kicked in the face /the allie who will wear her best dress to class just because she feels like it.

yesterday was quite a day, let me tell you.

hey all,

so yesterday was a pretty good and bad and wonderful day.

first off, i had been looking around for jobs in Hartford for the fall, especially creative ones. i'd rather have a creative job that isn't 100% permanent than an internship (for now at least). i finally stumbled upon an opportunity at the Hartford Children's Theatre right on Farmington Ave. in Hartford (across from the Mark Twain house....pretty snazzy). i shot him over an email and the next thing i knew he wanted me to come in for an interview yesterday. the house that facilitates their offices is a beautiful victorian house. the man who interviewed me, Ryan, said the house was built by a woman who at the time was around to be Mark Twain's neighbor, and they disliked each other haha. Basically this woman invaded the block by building this massive church next door, and another house next to her as well. apparently it aggrivated Mark Twain because the "view" was not very nice any more. oh i'll stop...i'm such a history nerd.

anywho, i was so excited that Ryan was so excited to tell me about the program. he dove right in and told me all about the program, and how he just stepped in last year during their production of Beauty and the Beast. he has toured with GREASE on broadway! SO cool! he was really chill, too. he wore a khaki jacket and jeans for crying out loud....so awesome. i felt really relaxed and comfortable. i remember at my Eric Carle interview i felt like i was on pins and needles because i was not sure if they liked me, or even my work for that matter. when i pulled out my art, for example, the piece of Jon and his large feet, Ryan was like "oh, yep...saw this one already and loved it...it has an awesome perspective."

i was so shocked that he had actually taken the time to LOOK at my website! he really liked to look at my work, which felt awesome. the three shows that are taking place this coming season are Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Annie, and 13. there are two smaller touring shows in between, which include Schoolhouse Rock and a play based off an author's children's book. he said he wants to use me for at least a couple! he already had an artist in mind for a while for Willy Wonka, which is fine, but he said he may need to use more than one artist on the larger set pieces. sweeeeet.

so i'm all happy on my way home, it's a beautiful day. then i pull out of the parking lot and head through the outskirts of harford. i'm crossing this bridge heading towards Albany Ave. and all of a sudden, my car starts stalling. i put my foot on the gas and it would rev and then jerk forward a tad each time. i started shaking and my heart started to pound...i was really, really scared. i felt really bad for the guy driving behind me. i would pray he gave us enough room in between in case my car started to roll backwards. turning left onto Albany Ave. was brutal. i was literally stopping in the middle of the street. i was so afraid my car was gonna break down in the middle of Albany Ave.....luckily, i was super close to the Handel Performing Arts Center (which is an off-campus building for the Hartt School) so i pulled into their side parking lot. WHAT a big sigh of relief. i called my mom and told her what happened. she came right away and we called for a tow truck and all. my interview ended at 2:15 and i didn't leave that parking lot until 5:30-5:45 hahaha. my car had a leak in one of its transmission pipes. eek. that car needs to be fixed like, every two weeks, i swear.....

we dropped it off at the shop in Indian Orchard and then me and my mom got Red Robin for dinner. then we went to Wal-Mart in Ware cause we needed to get a few things for our cruise next week! i got an awesome recycled bag made from unused Capri-Sun pouches...soo cool.

well, that was my super eventful day :o)

sorry i have not written in a while....

hey there,

so my reasons for not blogging here in a while are quite simple: i haven't really felt up to it. in fact, i hadn't really felt up to anything to be honest. once summer came around, i was just kinda like "wait, what? i get to relax? ME?" like i was all dumbfounded to the idea that i actually could relax. doing art is like a GO GO GO GO GO lifestyle, so it's hard to back down and take a breather sometimes...it's just so consuming. don't get me wrong, i love art. the arts are my absolute passion in life...art, music, dance and theater...i love it all.

i've just been stressing myself out so bad in the past few months about my future and where my life is going....i call it my "mid-college crisis" haha. i worry so much about the future that the present doesn't mean as much to me as it used to...okay, that needs to STOP. people tell me i need to relax because things could change so easily in a few months, especially over a year. if i don't graudate right out of college with a job, okay, big WHOOP. the art world is much more different than the business world...you don't need internships or things....you just need your BFA and probably your master's and you're gonna do alright.

i need to stop stressing about jobs and internships and all this crap and just focus on MYSELF and what is good for me at the moment. i never really take a ton of time to myself during the school year, cause i feel like it's kinda selfish. it is MY life, though. i need to get that into my head. i need to stop thinking what everyone wants and expects from me and do what i feel is right for ME.

anyway, i am back working at Fresh Acres. it isn't too bad, i just get pooped from standing for 4 hours at a time again...gotta get used to it again. they had me work a weird shift last night....the dreaded 3 1/2 hour shift. it's a buncha poo cause you only get a break if you work 4+ hours....but it actually went very fast...work has been pretty busy this week and it's actually awesome cause it gives me something to do. if there were a constant flow of people, that would be awesome, but also exhausting. jon came to visit me :o) i love seeing his face pop out of the middle of the aisles when i am ringing other customers out. it makes me so happy...he came over last night and we played supernintendo in the basement because it was a lot cooler than upstairs even though the central air was on. we ran back to his house to get his acoustic, and we played our guitar and ukelele in the basement.

as a teeny part of jon's birthday present, i played death cab for cutie's "i will follow you into the dark" for him on my ukelele. he started to sing along! it was so nice! finally being able to play whole songs on my ukelele is a really big accomplishment for me. i'm compiling a binder with songs and their chords/tabs for me to look at and play from (kinda like sheet music, but not really...like sheet music for dummies cause i can't read sheet music yet). i do some by hand and others i find online and print out. they are kept in plastic binder sleeves. ahh, so good.

there was a huge thunderstorm brewing last night when it was time for jon to leave. it got SUPER windy out of nowhere and there was a ton of heat lightning which eventually turned into real thunder and lightning. by the way, yesterday was about 100 degrees. not too bad compared to last summer's highs barely reaching 80...last summer was in the mid 70's ugh i hope this summer is warmer....

because of the storm, i have to go out in the yard and pick up all the twigs and branches that went flying last night. work tonight 4-8 then i don't know what....i find out my schedule today...no work tomorrow and saturday! i really wanna go to the beach!

Written September 28th, 2007 for Communication Training class

We were asked the following questions for Communication Training class in high school. Here are my answers as a 17 year old:

QUESTIONS

What is really, really important to you? I think knowing that everyone around me is happy and satisfied at the moment is something I value a whole lot. If I ever do something wrong, I am filled with so much guilt that it drives me insane. I hate how I’ve held grudges with people because of silly things like them being my boyfriend’s ex or them teasing me over something ridiculously pointless. I’ve learned “kill them with kindness” is important...I think it’s good to move on from the past because I know how regretful I would feel if I left certain strings in my life untied. Being problem-free is really important.

What do you worry about the most? I worry the most about people falling behind, especially my friends. I hate it when people don’t try...Mostly I worry about myself and the decisions I make. I hate how sometimes I’m extremely hesitant because of the fact that I don’t know if the consequence would be me getting in trouble in the end. I’m worried about being too spontaneous...and I really don’t know why...I think it’s because of consequences and my mom may not approve.

What are you really good at? I’m pretty good at art...I’ve sold some art and won awards for it, so I guess I’m on a roll.

What is your definition of success? Being confident with yourself and your abilities and taking yourself where you want to go in life. You’re happy with where you’ve ended up in life. Of happiness? Being satisfied at the moment and being surrounded with something or someone that intrigues your interest. Of love? Having trust and reliance with someone...when it comes to a boyfriend/girlfriend, you can’t imagine being without them and you still get butterflies when you see them. Of power? Having control over others. Of intelligence? I don’t think you have to be smart in school to be smart at life. Intelligence is knowing what’s right and wrong for yourself and nobody else.

What are you scared of? Being raped, getting burned or shot, dying/having someone close to me die, drowning, tornadoes/really violent weather.

Where do you find peace? When and where are you truly happy? I think I am most peaceful at night when my boyfriend surprises me and drives over my house on his way home from work. I go out to his car to see him and we hug and look up at the stars. I feel so content and peaceful with him and the nighttime air around us. I especially feel peaceful on a nice cool day in the fall watching the leaves change.

Describe one thing other people have said you do well. Everyone tells me I do art really well, maybe because I’ve won awards and sold my art...I hope people aren’t jealous because I want to prove that you can take your abilities as far as you can.

Favorite music: too much to count...anything I can dance or draw to. Favorite Food: Anything at Panera Bread! TV: America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway, Jackass, True Life. Favorite Activity: Bowling, hanging out with friends, dancing, art. Place: at home. Favorite vacation spot: Ogunquit Maine, Hampton Beach, Paris. Favorite Subject: Art! And Choir. Favorite Way to Spend Time: with friends at night.

How does school affect your life? If it was a “perfect school” how might it affect your life? I think that in school everyone puts on somewhat of a false front. I know almost for certain that I get extremely hyper around all of my friends at school, maybe it’s because I’m excited and overwhelmed to be with them all at once. When I am outside of school, I feel so much more relaxed and at-ease. I think I’m more chill and don’t have to impress anyone outside of school. If my school was “perfect” nobody would have to get all dressed up and fancy-looking to impress anyone. Everyone would get along and nobody would judge each other. Nobody would spread rumors or cause drama.

What makes you happy? When in your life have you been the happiest? I get really excited when people surprise me, especially if it’s my family, my friends, or my boyfriend. I like when people go out of the way and do special little things for me, like baking me something for my birthday or stopping by my house just to say hello at night. I think I was happiest when I was younger, when I was carefree and got to play a lot around the house.

If you died today, what 3 words would you like to be said of you? “Unique, loving, sensitive.”

What is one thing you want to be more of and one thing you want to be less of? I want to be more spontaneous and less stressed-out/worried.

What ideas or beliefs are worth fighting for? I think someone should fight for rights like who they chose to be friends with, why they wear the clothes on their backs, whether they’re homosexual or straight, and the idea that everyone should be treated equally. I have a couple gay friends and I know one of them is having such a hard time with their parents trying to make them straight again.

What I wish my parents knew about me is...the fact that I am 100% trustworthy, and if I were ever in a situation where I felt uncomfortable, I know well enough to step out and get out of there. I am smart enough to make my own decisions now.

One question you have about life is...What is death like? Do you encounter everyone who has been a part of your life once you’ve died?

What do you wish you had the courage to do? I wish I had the courage to dress the way I want.

What happens to you when people tease you? Sometimes I will retaliate and sarcastically be like “wow...I really hate it when people laugh it my face...” It’s happened before. I will be up front because I’ve had it with being picked on. Truly.

I pretend to be...trendy...when really, I am...struggling to find my own personal style.

I have a hard time dealing with...drinking and drugs. Because...I have had bad experiences with especially drinking and it scares me because you cannot control the person when they are intoxicated. It saddens me when I hear of friends drinking just to “loosen them up” and they’ll hook up with people randomly. I don’t have low enough self-worth to stoop to that level.

One way I am different from everybody else is...I am very passionate when it comes to arguing about certain issues. Yes, I may be very opinionated regarding certain things...I cannot stand people who make fun of others. I am one of those people who WILL stand up for you.

What about yourself would you change if you could? The rolls on my neck and the lump on the back of my neck...My broad back. Ugh.

What about you makes you a good friend? You can trust me with anything. I am very loyal and will listen to you if you have a problem.

What do you like most about yourself? My eyes. My personality. My willingness to accept other people in an instant if they are willing to do the same.

What would you like to have accomplished by the age of 65? Attend the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade in New York someday.

A List of Things to Hate (will accumulate over time no doubt)

If you're having a bad day, maybe it could be worse! I HATE:

1. cutting your fingernails so short that it hurts to use your fingers

2. running out of toilet paper when you really need it

3. going to the store for one thing in particular and they do not have it

4. when your cell phone has fallen out of your back pocket and into the toilet

5. tuning your guitar and one of the strings breaks and scares the crap out of you

6. getting food poisoning

7. getting pooped on by a bird

8. getting your food stolen by a seagull at the beach

9. when a bear has ripped open your camping tent and eaten your science notes in search of food

10. tripping and fall flat on your face

11. seeing a couple makeout when you are single

12. getting a paper cut from a wicked thick piece of paper

13. making an awesome vase on the ceramics wheel until it gives way and collapses three seconds before you were about to stop

14. not getting an internship you really wanted

15. having your boyfriend break up with you and not tell you why

16. going rollerskating and get some wonderful blisters afterwards

17. growing out of your once-favorite item of clothing

18. getting a rip in the crotch of your jeans, out of all places

19. wearing sandals to a concert and your feet get stepped on

20. getting thrown up on

21. when the fire alarm goes off at 3am when you are really exhausted

22. when you get a bug bite the size of alaska on your ass

23. when an item of clothing you really adore is way too expensive

24. getting into a fight with someone you really care about the day you are going to see your favorite band in concert

25. when you're typing a final paper and the power goes out

26. hitting a patch of ice when you're snowboarding

27. when you're so tired in the morning that you accidentally pour orange juice in your cereal and milk in your cup instead of vice-versa

i have a new ukelele!

so i bought a ukelele yesterday at daddy's junky music in west springfield. i am so excited. it cost a little over $60, but is definitely worth it. i had been thinking about getting one a lot lately, and i'm glad i finally got it. for me, a ukelele is more convenient than a guitar right now. four strings is easier for me to play than six, and because of its small size, it can be taken almost anywhere. jon and i kept playing it yesterday....it is so fun. he may even consider getting one as well. i think he should so we can rock out on uke together! he has a few guitars and is still trying to teach himself....he admits he wants lessons badly though. hopefully he can get them in the summer because i see a ton of potential for him to grow...he just absolutely loves guitars.

it has only been a day and i am already picking up some chords! i printed out a two-page chord chart and put it in a plastic sleeve and pinned it up on the wall right in front of me. so far i am teaching myself something, all you need is love, and with a little help from my friends by the beatles, as well as island in the sun by weezer. i got to play for a good half hour when i got back from class this morning. it was awesome. i never thought i could pick up an instrument so fast! maybe someday i WILL learn how to play guitar, but for now, my ukelele is wonderful.

jon came to pick me up on saturday from school to help me escape the havoc from spring fling. thank goodness. (oh! the girl talk concert was friday night....it was awesome....i went out to cheesecake factory with my future roomies..we had a ton of fun)....we went on a tour of umass saturday cause jon is thinking of transferring one last time. it's a lot different to look at such a big school after you have already gone to college for two years. if i had looked at umass as a high school senior, i would have been super intimidated. 20,000 students?!?! it's a really great school, though. if jon got in he might end up living with our friends mike, dan, and andrew....which i think would be really good for him so he has something to do at school. saturday night we went to see OCEANS and it was a little hard for me because i am petrified of whales. but it was a pretty movie....i learned a few things surprisingly, like whales sleep upside down?! what! so cool.

before buying my ukelele yesterday jon and i went to the puppy store at the riverdale plaza first. we played with a little scottish terrier! he was really shy at first, but when he loosened up he was so precious! i would pick him up and put him in my lap, and he would just put his head down like he wanted to go to sleep. and when i finally picked him up to give him back to the lady, he was SO calm. i have never held such a calm puppy....i don't think i could ever handle having a really hyper dog...too much work.

i was in a fairly weird mood yesterday, though. like i didn't really feel like talking. i don't know if it was because my parents were kinda iffy on me buying a ukelele. HEY, at least i didn't go and spend $500 on new snowboarding equipment (which i will need eventually)....i am trying my absolute best to save my money. i have not bought ANY new clothes for myself aside from the ones i have bought with gift certificates. they know me though....sometimes i get bored easily, or maybe wear clothes once and then change my mind....i know i used to be like that. but i am trying my best to be less materialistic and buy only what i NEED (the ukelele is just good for my soul). i am trying to get rid of a lot of old clothes and stuff i don't need. i really want to have a tag sale this summer.....

oh! by the way, i sent a letter to the family i used to babysit (they used to live nearby). the dad works for Hallmark, and since i didn't get an internship with them, i asked him for his help/advice. he said they MAY have an opening around maine/new hampshire....i would love that! but it would be a shame if i had to move there for a couple months this summer and have it be an unpaid internship.....we shall see what happens...i would love to work for Hallmark in the long run....

today is earth day

i got a really bad paper cut yesterday in figure drawing. boo. it's on my middle finger of my left hand. thank goodness we are done with clay throwing, cause i would have definitely been unable to use the wheel with a sliced open finger. i started my figure drawing final, and it is 3x4 feet and taped up on my wall in my dorm room. it's obnoxious and due on the 3rd of May, which isn't too bad.

this morning in ceramics we were pretty much finished so we watched a video on klaus nomi, a new-wave pop opera singer of the late 1970's. geez it was so bizarre, but pretty entertaining. he was a backup singer for david bowie on SNL in the 70's...i feel like not a lot of people know him today. i sure didn't know about him until today. probably because he died during his career. sad.

i'm kinda bummed that the time i am assigned to do ceramics cleanup is tuesday from 2-4. i am hoping that i will get a chance to shower before illustration at 4:30 cause there is absolutely no way i am going to ceramics/psychology afterwards covered in crap. oh well, perhaps i will tell dennis today that i may be a teeny bit late. i think i have only missed one class so i should be alright.

everything just kinda feels in a fog right now. i made a larger calendar for the next 2 1/2 weeks with all the stuff due written down. i just need to take it as it comes.

i didn't get to talk to jon all day yesterday. i'm sure he was busy too. i feel asleep around 11 i think. i was really tired. i wish he had at least texted me to tell me goodnight before he went to bed, but oh well.

ugh i am just looking up at my walls right now at my figure drawing final. this thing is gonna eat me alive. it's so large and obnoxious. super duper.

oooo the project runway finale is on tonight! i am not looking forward to all the spring fling activities, though. the dj Girl Talk is coming to our gym tomorrow night, but a lot of people are boycotting it because it's indoors and on a friday night. usually the concert is held outdoors on a Saturday, yeah, which is a lot more fun. i think i will go to Girl Talk, but Saturday is kinda boring to me. a lot of my friends are art students and they all think they're just gonna end up doing work this weekend. sigh. jon may come rescue me saturday from all the drunken madness occuring on campus. i am going to avoid eating at commons this weekend AT ALL COSTS. the lines are always ENORMOUS during spring fling, for pete's sake. it's terrible. i am going to stay in my room and eat ramen and peanut butter and banana on crackers. and avoid accidentally walking in vomit at all costs. i really do hope i get to see jon this weekend. my parents are in cape cod right now (so lucky) until friday/saturday. i would feel bad asking them to come get me. who knows, but jon is definitely coming home.

DONE WITH CLAY FOREVER

today was our last in-class day of wet clay. holy cow i could not be happier. i used to look at throwing as somewhat theraputic, and even considered minoring in ceramics. but making vases and pitchers in such a short amount of time kind of changed my mind....it was very nerve-wrecking. thank GOODNESS i somehow whipped out five (one pitcher, four vases) in class today....which makes eight, which was the assignment! i am not entirely thrilled with the way they came out. the pitchers are relatively small, as are the vases. but it's alright, at least i tried. i wouldn't have been able to go into the studio tomorrow night to finish on the wheel for thursday's critique. i am planning on going to the studio tonight after psych and trimming the vases.

today it just dawned upon me that i am fairly stressed all of a sudden. these last two weeks are always a killer. i know the mindset i have is that i will just take all the work as it comes and work on it all at once and just take turns on projects. that's just how i work. i can't sit down and write a paper for three hours straight. i have to take lots of breaks because my focus drifts and i feel like i need to take those breaks to recollect my thoughts. i feel all jumbly right now. like when i started writing this post, i wasn't even spelling words correctly. ugh, just so much on my mind.

funny thing is though, right at this very moment, i really don't have much work to worry about. i will force myself to go swimming in a little while even though i have been going for a couple weeks and have not been seeing results. that always seems to happen when i attempt to work out. oh well. i know my eating habits are not the healthiest but eating healthy at school basically means i'd have to eat practically nothing.

that's right...i did NOT get the internship.

life is funny, but i believe everything happens for a reason. the one thing i really feel in a pickle about right now is that it is extraordinarily hard to find art internships locally. that is why i am pretty bummed the eric carle didn't choose me. it's only about 40 minutes away at most. i really, really don't want to go to cleveland, but it seems that i would have to travel far away for any really good internships. which stinks. i am very much a home-body. i don't really enjoy going away unless it's with people i know and/or care very much about.

i really want to spend this summer here. it's so important to me. i am desperate to find an internship around here. i just tried calling American Greetings, and had to leave a message...seems so impossible to get to talk to the people i need to contact about this thing. the deadline was april 1st and they still have not let me know. i sent them my resume and porfolio on a CD, and they said they would send materials back. well, i know it's a major corporation and all, but really, i need to know. odds are i won't get that internship either, to be honest. i hate how the current art market requires that you need to know photoshop/illustrator. really. i did NOT grow up learning how to use that. it's very unfair. as badly as i want to do art in my life, i want to put myself first, as selfish as that may seem. i want to get married within ten years and have a family and live comfortably. maybe i won't end up getting a job in art after all...? i have no idea what else i would/could do with my life, though. i really don't feel like i am good at anything else that is in high demand right now. all i know is that i am going to school to pursue what i love in life, not forcing myself into doing something i hate and something that does not come naturally. i have a natural inclination towards art.

ugh.

"Unfortunately, we are writing to let you know the position has been filled."

Dear Allison,

Thank you for applying for the Art Studio Summer Internship. After reading your application it is easy to see why the Museum would attract your attention given your interests and experience. Diana and I were very happy to meet you and see your passion for art through your work. Unfortunately, we are writing to let you know the position has been filled.

Should you still be interested in spending time at The Carle at some point in the future, please consider volunteering. If you would like to be considered as a volunteer in the future, just let us know and we will put your application materials in our volunteer folder. We never know when a volunteer position arises, so we keep applications on file for at least a year.

Thank you again for your time and interest. We hope that you will visit The Carle and use it as a resource and inspiration for your work. We wish you the best of luck as you pursue illustration and continue to help others find a love for art making.

Sincerely,

Meghan