so my reasons for not blogging here in a while are quite simple: i haven't really felt up to it. in fact, i hadn't really felt up to anything to be honest. once summer came around, i was just kinda like "wait, what? i get to relax? ME?" like i was all dumbfounded to the idea that i actually could relax. doing art is like a GO GO GO GO GO lifestyle, so it's hard to back down and take a breather sometimes...it's just so consuming. don't get me wrong, i love art. the arts are my absolute passion in life...art, music, dance and theater...i love it all.
i've just been stressing myself out so bad in the past few months about my future and where my life is going....i call it my "mid-college crisis" haha. i worry so much about the future that the present doesn't mean as much to me as it used to...okay, that needs to STOP. people tell me i need to relax because things could change so easily in a few months, especially over a year. if i don't graudate right out of college with a job, okay, big WHOOP. the art world is much more different than the business world...you don't need internships or things....you just need your BFA and probably your master's and you're gonna do alright.
i need to stop stressing about jobs and internships and all this crap and just focus on MYSELF and what is good for me at the moment. i never really take a ton of time to myself during the school year, cause i feel like it's kinda selfish. it is MY life, though. i need to get that into my head. i need to stop thinking what everyone wants and expects from me and do what i feel is right for ME.
anyway, i am back working at Fresh Acres. it isn't too bad, i just get pooped from standing for 4 hours at a time again...gotta get used to it again. they had me work a weird shift last night....the dreaded 3 1/2 hour shift. it's a buncha poo cause you only get a break if you work 4+ hours....but it actually went very fast...work has been pretty busy this week and it's actually awesome cause it gives me something to do. if there were a constant flow of people, that would be awesome, but also exhausting. jon came to visit me :o) i love seeing his face pop out of the middle of the aisles when i am ringing other customers out. it makes me so happy...he came over last night and we played supernintendo in the basement because it was a lot cooler than upstairs even though the central air was on. we ran back to his house to get his acoustic, and we played our guitar and ukelele in the basement.
as a teeny part of jon's birthday present, i played death cab for cutie's "i will follow you into the dark" for him on my ukelele. he started to sing along! it was so nice! finally being able to play whole songs on my ukelele is a really big accomplishment for me. i'm compiling a binder with songs and their chords/tabs for me to look at and play from (kinda like sheet music, but not really...like sheet music for dummies cause i can't read sheet music yet). i do some by hand and others i find online and print out. they are kept in plastic binder sleeves. ahh, so good.
there was a huge thunderstorm brewing last night when it was time for jon to leave. it got SUPER windy out of nowhere and there was a ton of heat lightning which eventually turned into real thunder and lightning. by the way, yesterday was about 100 degrees. not too bad compared to last summer's highs barely reaching 80...last summer was in the mid 70's ugh i hope this summer is warmer....
because of the storm, i have to go out in the yard and pick up all the twigs and branches that went flying last night. work tonight 4-8 then i don't know what....i find out my schedule today...no work tomorrow and saturday! i really wanna go to the beach!
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