about college. and fitting in...

i was just thinking about college lately, and how my experience so far is pretty much nothing that i ever expected college to be like. MAYBE it's because i go to an art school, but i am not sure. the people, the dorm life, and the over atmosphere of my school feel somewhat "non-traditional" to me. i think it's because when i visit normal colleges, like when i used to visit my sister at Babson and when i visited UMass with Jon and his mom, they felt so awesome, like what college SHOULD feel like to me. it's so odd.

my college, geez i'm just so sick of it in a sense. college pretty much killed my love for drama. i still want to act this year, but the people just kill it for me. if you're gonna sit around for an hour long rehearsal cracking sexual jokes, okay, i don't want to be a part of it..i have artwork to do. if it's gonna be like that this year i just may officially call it quits from acting for fun. drama people can be either wicked fun or really cocky. luckily for me in high school i had a really great time with the people i got to act with. i think it's more like a minority thing in college. the older students are obviously the ones who run the whole deal. maybe this year will be different...?

another thing i dislike about college, it's just the entire experience....i will probably leave college with little to absolutely no baggage. the only people i have really met and become friends with were the people i lived with and their friends, as well as other art kids with similar personalities to mine. i never bothered hanging out with people from my normal university classes. people from my art school classes, yes, but otherwise, it's just too awkward for me. i am not like other people in the art school. i do not party hard or take massive amounts of drugs. i will never belong or fit into a clique in college. i am there to just work and get my degree and get out of there. for me, it isn't 100% entirely about making friends. yes, i absolutely adore the girls i am living with next year, but they will probably be some of the only TRUE friends i leave college with. college just isn't really my "thing." i'm just so fed up trying my best to be nice to everyone in the art school and half the people are these arrogant indie-holes who want nothing to do with you anyway.

i hate for this to sound like the typical whiny note like "ahhh i just don't fit in," but for me, "fitting in" has always been pretty difficult since i have so many different sides to my personality.

there are many different allie's: the allie who wants to go out in her skinny jeans, heels and a black blazer and french braid for cocktails / the allie who is a hippie and wants to wear a cozy dress and run in a field barefoot / the allie who wants to dress up and go to renaissance faires because she is a history nerd / the allie who wants to go to a show and get pushed around in a mosh pit and kicked in the face /the allie who will wear her best dress to class just because she feels like it.