that's right...i did NOT get the internship.

life is funny, but i believe everything happens for a reason. the one thing i really feel in a pickle about right now is that it is extraordinarily hard to find art internships locally. that is why i am pretty bummed the eric carle didn't choose me. it's only about 40 minutes away at most. i really, really don't want to go to cleveland, but it seems that i would have to travel far away for any really good internships. which stinks. i am very much a home-body. i don't really enjoy going away unless it's with people i know and/or care very much about.

i really want to spend this summer here. it's so important to me. i am desperate to find an internship around here. i just tried calling American Greetings, and had to leave a message...seems so impossible to get to talk to the people i need to contact about this thing. the deadline was april 1st and they still have not let me know. i sent them my resume and porfolio on a CD, and they said they would send materials back. well, i know it's a major corporation and all, but really, i need to know. odds are i won't get that internship either, to be honest. i hate how the current art market requires that you need to know photoshop/illustrator. really. i did NOT grow up learning how to use that. it's very unfair. as badly as i want to do art in my life, i want to put myself first, as selfish as that may seem. i want to get married within ten years and have a family and live comfortably. maybe i won't end up getting a job in art after all...? i have no idea what else i would/could do with my life, though. i really don't feel like i am good at anything else that is in high demand right now. all i know is that i am going to school to pursue what i love in life, not forcing myself into doing something i hate and something that does not come naturally. i have a natural inclination towards art.

ugh.