today is earth day

i got a really bad paper cut yesterday in figure drawing. boo. it's on my middle finger of my left hand. thank goodness we are done with clay throwing, cause i would have definitely been unable to use the wheel with a sliced open finger. i started my figure drawing final, and it is 3x4 feet and taped up on my wall in my dorm room. it's obnoxious and due on the 3rd of May, which isn't too bad.

this morning in ceramics we were pretty much finished so we watched a video on klaus nomi, a new-wave pop opera singer of the late 1970's. geez it was so bizarre, but pretty entertaining. he was a backup singer for david bowie on SNL in the 70's...i feel like not a lot of people know him today. i sure didn't know about him until today. probably because he died during his career. sad.

i'm kinda bummed that the time i am assigned to do ceramics cleanup is tuesday from 2-4. i am hoping that i will get a chance to shower before illustration at 4:30 cause there is absolutely no way i am going to ceramics/psychology afterwards covered in crap. oh well, perhaps i will tell dennis today that i may be a teeny bit late. i think i have only missed one class so i should be alright.

everything just kinda feels in a fog right now. i made a larger calendar for the next 2 1/2 weeks with all the stuff due written down. i just need to take it as it comes.

i didn't get to talk to jon all day yesterday. i'm sure he was busy too. i feel asleep around 11 i think. i was really tired. i wish he had at least texted me to tell me goodnight before he went to bed, but oh well.

ugh i am just looking up at my walls right now at my figure drawing final. this thing is gonna eat me alive. it's so large and obnoxious. super duper.

oooo the project runway finale is on tonight! i am not looking forward to all the spring fling activities, though. the dj Girl Talk is coming to our gym tomorrow night, but a lot of people are boycotting it because it's indoors and on a friday night. usually the concert is held outdoors on a Saturday, yeah, which is a lot more fun. i think i will go to Girl Talk, but Saturday is kinda boring to me. a lot of my friends are art students and they all think they're just gonna end up doing work this weekend. sigh. jon may come rescue me saturday from all the drunken madness occuring on campus. i am going to avoid eating at commons this weekend AT ALL COSTS. the lines are always ENORMOUS during spring fling, for pete's sake. it's terrible. i am going to stay in my room and eat ramen and peanut butter and banana on crackers. and avoid accidentally walking in vomit at all costs. i really do hope i get to see jon this weekend. my parents are in cape cod right now (so lucky) until friday/saturday. i would feel bad asking them to come get me. who knows, but jon is definitely coming home.

DONE WITH CLAY FOREVER

today was our last in-class day of wet clay. holy cow i could not be happier. i used to look at throwing as somewhat theraputic, and even considered minoring in ceramics. but making vases and pitchers in such a short amount of time kind of changed my mind....it was very nerve-wrecking. thank GOODNESS i somehow whipped out five (one pitcher, four vases) in class today....which makes eight, which was the assignment! i am not entirely thrilled with the way they came out. the pitchers are relatively small, as are the vases. but it's alright, at least i tried. i wouldn't have been able to go into the studio tomorrow night to finish on the wheel for thursday's critique. i am planning on going to the studio tonight after psych and trimming the vases.

today it just dawned upon me that i am fairly stressed all of a sudden. these last two weeks are always a killer. i know the mindset i have is that i will just take all the work as it comes and work on it all at once and just take turns on projects. that's just how i work. i can't sit down and write a paper for three hours straight. i have to take lots of breaks because my focus drifts and i feel like i need to take those breaks to recollect my thoughts. i feel all jumbly right now. like when i started writing this post, i wasn't even spelling words correctly. ugh, just so much on my mind.

funny thing is though, right at this very moment, i really don't have much work to worry about. i will force myself to go swimming in a little while even though i have been going for a couple weeks and have not been seeing results. that always seems to happen when i attempt to work out. oh well. i know my eating habits are not the healthiest but eating healthy at school basically means i'd have to eat practically nothing.

that's right...i did NOT get the internship.

life is funny, but i believe everything happens for a reason. the one thing i really feel in a pickle about right now is that it is extraordinarily hard to find art internships locally. that is why i am pretty bummed the eric carle didn't choose me. it's only about 40 minutes away at most. i really, really don't want to go to cleveland, but it seems that i would have to travel far away for any really good internships. which stinks. i am very much a home-body. i don't really enjoy going away unless it's with people i know and/or care very much about.

i really want to spend this summer here. it's so important to me. i am desperate to find an internship around here. i just tried calling American Greetings, and had to leave a message...seems so impossible to get to talk to the people i need to contact about this thing. the deadline was april 1st and they still have not let me know. i sent them my resume and porfolio on a CD, and they said they would send materials back. well, i know it's a major corporation and all, but really, i need to know. odds are i won't get that internship either, to be honest. i hate how the current art market requires that you need to know photoshop/illustrator. really. i did NOT grow up learning how to use that. it's very unfair. as badly as i want to do art in my life, i want to put myself first, as selfish as that may seem. i want to get married within ten years and have a family and live comfortably. maybe i won't end up getting a job in art after all...? i have no idea what else i would/could do with my life, though. i really don't feel like i am good at anything else that is in high demand right now. all i know is that i am going to school to pursue what i love in life, not forcing myself into doing something i hate and something that does not come naturally. i have a natural inclination towards art.

ugh.

"Unfortunately, we are writing to let you know the position has been filled."

Dear Allison,

Thank you for applying for the Art Studio Summer Internship. After reading your application it is easy to see why the Museum would attract your attention given your interests and experience. Diana and I were very happy to meet you and see your passion for art through your work. Unfortunately, we are writing to let you know the position has been filled.

Should you still be interested in spending time at The Carle at some point in the future, please consider volunteering. If you would like to be considered as a volunteer in the future, just let us know and we will put your application materials in our volunteer folder. We never know when a volunteer position arises, so we keep applications on file for at least a year.

Thank you again for your time and interest. We hope that you will visit The Carle and use it as a resource and inspiration for your work. We wish you the best of luck as you pursue illustration and continue to help others find a love for art making.

Sincerely,

Meghan

the waiting game.

so i have pretty much been checking my email every 5-30 minutes since i came back from figure drawing class and lunch at about 12 o'clock. after my interview at The Carle they told me that they would notify accepted applicants for the internship around the MIDDLE of this week. well, it is the middle exactly. wednesday is the middle of the week. if i don't get an email by the time i get back from art history a little after 4 i will start to really get antsy. well, they will notify me either way. but boy, i am really hoping i get this internship. i want it, and i think i really deserve it.

i have been trying to clean up/pack up some more of my room since i will be going home this weekend. after this week there are only two weeks and two days left of class. niceeee.

history and today

yesterday was a fairly history-oriented day. after my post, i proceeded to watch a movie on BET about the Little Rock Eight...aka the eight african american teenagers that were allowed to attend little rock central high in arkansas at the peak of racial segregation in our country. it was brutal the way they were treated, and the wrong-doers got away with it all. it was really sad how threatened they were...

after that i watched the anne frank movie. of course, i cried at the end. then switching through the channels once the movie was over, i came across shindler's list, and i was like "oh heck no." that movie is absurdly graphic and sad.

well, i woke up today thinking it would stink cause it's a monday, but it really wasn't all that bad. figure drawing is going better because our teacher isn't really looming as much over our work, and we have more freedom. once figure drawing was over, i went to the ceramics studio to grind down one of my mugs that had a hardened drip of glaze. then hailey and i had lunch.

art history, dinner, then history, then i watched dancing with the stars. now i'm talking to jon online. that's about all for now. the nice weather helps keep my spirits up!

how i feel about art school.

there is no point in being in art school and being cocky about your work. i look at art not as something competitive, but a way to grow. maybe it's just a competition with myself, if anything. no two clients will ever want the same thing, and no two artists are exactly the same. i am not out to push everyone out of the way to be the next big thing in the art world, but i definitely want my art to get me somewhere.

honestly, my main goal in life is to one day get married and have a family and a dog and a house and a comfortable life.